Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
