CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i think my cat just said my name.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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