Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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