yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
