don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
