I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
