AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
