my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
