I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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