Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
