I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
