Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
