Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
