i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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