theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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