I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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