i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
