she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize