I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Help. Why am I so naked?
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