I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
