Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
