I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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