it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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