Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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