Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
