I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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