My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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