And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize