i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
