I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
