margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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