Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
