I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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