My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
