I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
