If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
