everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
