Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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