well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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