I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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