I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
