I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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