He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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