I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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