I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
