we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
