If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
