i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Randomize
