Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
