I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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