So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
