Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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