Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
