I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
