You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
