Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
