sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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