You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
