It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
