I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
