I think I am morally bankrupt
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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