So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I deserve this hangover.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
