dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
