Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
