just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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