Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
