WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
bring money and cleavage
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize