I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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