I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
