I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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