Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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