you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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