she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
