I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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