They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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