Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
