I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
