At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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