Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
