Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
