Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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