Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
whose ass print is on the piano?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
