my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
