WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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