plz talk dirty to me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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