we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Green mimosas i think yes
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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