She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
