Where did you get a picture of my penis
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
