If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
