I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Are we still banned from the library?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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