So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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