In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
you never un-have a 4some
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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