Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
