I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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