24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
