im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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