Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i think i just lost a toe
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
